This is based off of Thriving Ivory’s “Flowers For A Ghost”
You disappear with all your good intentions
I lie in bed thinking of Hidan and
last night. How could I be so stupid?
I scolded myself. I haven’t gotten out of bed for about four days. I’m beginning
to smell but that’s okay. I don’t want to get up.
And all I am is all I could not mention
I bit my lip as his words echoed
through my head,
You don’t mean a thing
to me. He had said.
You were just a fling.
I could feel my heart begin to stop.
Jashin wouldn’t want
me to be near you and I don’t want me near you. God, I think I’m going to
die!
Jashin would want me
to have a prettier girl than you. Hear that sound? It’s the sound of my
heart breaking. I could feel my heart practically stop, I felt my breathing
stop too. Just a fling. I told myself
over and over again. He meant so much to me, but I meant so little to him.
Like who will bring me flowers when it's over
I wonder what my mother would tell
me in a situation like this…
And who will give me comfort when it's cold
She’d tell me that I’m stupid to be used then immediately
comfort me. I could use her kind words right now. But I left her when I was
forced to join the Akatsuki. I left my whole entire family for this god dammed
organization. I left my whole entire family for heartbreak, part of me said.
He took a plane to somewhere out in space
I wonder where he is now… I wonder
if all the other members know already… No one has bothered me for days. Maybe
they just don’t care. I wonder if he ever thinks of me.
To start a life and maybe change the world
I wonder who he’s killed so far… I
wonder if he’s found someone new.
See I never meant for you to have to crawl
Did he mean what he said?
No I never meant to let you go at all
I just wanted him to stay with me.
All I wanted was you, a voice echoed
through my head.
Don't ever say goodbye
I frequently think about how it
could’ve ended up different between us… I could’ve been more than a one night
stand if I looked better and I was more appealing.
See my head aches from all this thinkin'
I think so hard some days that it
just gives me a migraine. It wasn’t the matter; it was the principle of the
matter. But for him I was “just another
fling”.
Wonder what you do and where it is you stay
Are the other members carrying on
their missions? I wonder if I’m supposed to go on some… Do people know where I
am? Or do they just assume that when I’m out and about they don’t see me. I’m in my room. Waiting to die. Just if you
were wondering, I thought.
I'm only human
I feel strength inside me come. I
start to get up.
I'm only human
I swing my legs over my bed and
begin to walk for the first time in four days.
I'm only human
I walk my butt over to the shower and take one. I really did
need a shower.
After I get out I feel a great sadness. This sadness
swallows me whole and I double over just so that my heart will stay with me.
After a while of sitting their wet and naked crying I stand
up and get changed. I look at myself in the mirror. Running eyeliner and
bloodshot eyes. I could stand to sleep for a few days. I strip my sheets off of
my bed and plop myself on my bed.
I curl up in fetal position and think to myself. I start to
trace circles on my mattress with my finger. It helps me think.
I hear a knock at the door and my heart beats happily. Maybe it’s him, part of me says. I
mumble a weak, squeaky come in. I haven’t used my voice in days, it feels weird
using it now.
“Hello” I hear a male voice say and I shoot up from my bed.
To be continued…
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